Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
