I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
