I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
