My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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