No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
