1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
