I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
