As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
