I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
