I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
