Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
