We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
