There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
