I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
