Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
