i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
