My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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