You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
