Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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