god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
