dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Text me some of your sweat
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
