the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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