This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
