It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
