so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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