you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
