He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
