Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
