dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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