And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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