Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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