I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
