Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
