just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he puts the penis in happiness.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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