Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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