i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
