He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
