I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
