i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
