yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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