i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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