HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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