just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
