They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
