alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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