I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
