dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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