white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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