Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize