If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
