I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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