I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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