I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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