I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
