(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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