forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
