worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
