Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
