So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh god it's open bar.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize