oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
