It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You did what with his pubic hair?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
