I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
