I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
