Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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