I accidentally had phone sex last night
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Randomize
